Eurovision!!!

Yes, folks, it's the biggest night in Europe's musical year tonight. Before we all sit down and enjoy the cavalcade of crap being beamed from Baku, spare a thought for those countries that lost out in the semi-finals. Maybe they would have done better with some of these artists.

One point: Georgia

"Lale" - Nino Cheidze

Two points: Israel

"High In The Desert" - Ron Eliran

Three points: Bulgaria

"Zarezan" - Srebunite Grivni

Four points - Austria

"Danndanke" - Effi

Five points - Belgium

"Out Of Planet" - 7 P.M.

Six points - Finland

"Itke Pois Kyyneleesi" - Kirka

Seven points - Portugal

"Maria Negra" - Quarteto 1111

Eight points - Croatia

"Pjevajmo Do Zore" - Film

Ten points - Switzerland

"Le Pistolet" - Mama Rosin

Douze points - The Netherlands

"Holiday Rap" - MC Miker G and DJ Sven

Inexplicably I really love that record. I have always felt that it is given a bit of extra grit by Miker G's slightly desperate tone. I suspect that is because, despite all of his "bigging up", deep down inside he knows Sven is better than him.

Belarus didn't make it to the final either. But then if this masterpiece could only finish 14th last year, there is clearly a conspiracy against them.