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Thursday 14 December 2017

Auntie Knows Best

Let me share with you a long-buried memory. It was a Bonfire Night in the early 1990s - I can't remember exactly which year - and I was making my way to a fireworks display in Highbury with some pals when we got stopped by a couple of lads with a video-camera and microphone.

They explained that they were trying to get some "vox pop" to include in a tour video for a band called Red Aunts who were playing nearby that evening, and they had a very particular - and peculiar - request. They wanted me to claim that exposure to the music of Red Aunts had caused my genitalia to increase significantly in size.

Back then the Internet barely existed, which meant you didn't worry about doing things that might one day turn up on YouTube and embarrass you. So I agreed. I put on a silly posh voice, made the outrageous claim they had asked for, then went on my way and promptly forgot all about it.

That was until today, when I popped into our local charity shop and there was "Drag", the 1993 debut album by Red Aunts. I bought it, of course, then headed home to test out the theory. So far there is no evidence of any change in Little Ernie whatsoever, but maybe the effects aren't immediate.

"Lethal Lolita" - Red Aunts

"Teach Me To Kill" - Red Aunts

PS In researching this article, I discovered that I should have been worried about things turning up on YouTube to embarrass me in the future.


  1. Replies
    1. Not sure whether that question was addressed to me or CC. Speaking for myself, no sign of anything yet but I remain ever hopeful

    2. I nominate you for the Would I Lie To You panel. This story is preposterous yet you tell it so well it has to be true. Lethal Lolita is half decent too - the song I mean!

    3. It is completely true and, as hinted at in my postscript, to my horror the evidence is out there